i am the world’s best dragon slayer. you ever seen a dragon round here? no? you’re welcome.
remember when Hannibal told Will Jack sees him as a fragile little teacup and Will burst out laughing like wtf this guy is weirder than me so Will asks how do you see me and Hannibal looks him dead in the eyes and there’s this long pause and he says “a mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by” and wills like woooaaaaahhhhh someone else who makes dark poetic metaphors B)
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”